When will IKEA carry this?!

Who says you can't let your proud misandrist personality shine through your home decor? Forget conceptual art pieces of bleeding penises or large oil paintings of vaginas. This would be the all-time favourite housewarming present for the man-hating homeowner.



Presenting the aptly named All Men Are Bastards Knife Block. (hat tip to Russ for the link)

Order one now, and start practicin'! http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/lifestyle-home/cool-kitchen/knife-block/index.html

My Laptop, a.k.a. LaLohan.

OK, after a month-long hiatus, I'm back to the blog. Not sure if people even noticed that I was gone for so long, anyway...crushed feelings put aside. Two weeks ago, I was painstakingly compiling a bunch of pictures from my trip for a blog update when my laptop of two years decided to pull a Lindsay Lohan and collapsed on its 'heat exhausted' ass. Yes, nowadays my computer is known as LaLohan because it's thin, slow, lazy, overheats easily, and makes a noise most similar to a purring Lindsay Lohan after a line of blow. I shall adorn my laptop cover with a new paint job. Pale beige and a few freckles, trimmed with a fiery Irish red along the edges. But what can I do to my computer that alludes to her rack enhancement? Anyway, my laptop is OK for now, after having gone through a shiteload of tsuris, but I've already started a fund for a new MacBook (a black one, of course). Someone, please take the liberty of starting a collection plate and pass it over when it's loaded with greens. I'm totally through with PCs, and not even the Apple-knock off Microsoft Vista and Office 2007 are enough to keep me from defecting. I tried the new Office, and it was akin to wearing sad haute couture knock offs, kinda like Club Monaco (zzzzzing!). Updates coming up... unless my laptop crashes.

Outrage of the Day

How messed up is the Chinese government's logic behind their move to curtail the *potential* spread of rabies.

From BBC News

A county in south-west China has ordered all 50,546 dogs to be killed to fight a rabies outbreak which has killed three people, state media say.

Read more.

It's such a crime that 50,000 canines are culled after three people died from rabies. I can almost draw parallels between this and the farce in the Middle East. But don't get me started.

Calendar Boys.

OK... Calendars in recent decades have been increasingly suggestive. Gone are the days when puritanical Victorian ladies with parasols marked our months with their elegance.

It seems for 2007 some smart-ass who has been watching their Six Feet Under DVDs for far too many hours had some retarded idea crossed off their To Do List.

Meet the Men of Mortuaries.


Read about the story here at the wonderfully homofantastic blog Towelroad.

I'm lost for words.

The ironic punch lies within the story behind the calendar. These men got together to do this thing to raise money for breast cancer patients... Bless you boys for being so charitable... But personally, I don't know if I would like to receive a gift like this if I were inflicted with a life threatening disease. Of course, if I had some sort of capricious humour maybe I'd say "I'd like to have my plot plowed by Mr. March."

OK. So if boys roughing it in the graveyard day in day out doesn't mist you up, you might prefer the more quiet and pious ones. No silly pedophile, I don't have a calendar of altar boys. But I do have, drumroll per favore...Il Calendario Romano., where the hotties of the Catholic Church are now your monthly objects of desire. Screw that bit in the Big Book where they said lusting was a no-no. Now, you can be one step closer to committing blasphemy of the highest order when you covet your priest's jewels.

This picture makes me chuckle cause it reminds me of those firemen's calendars where a shirtless fireman with a hose dangling over his shoulder is holding a helpless kitten in his palms... Priceless.

So, who's thinking of converting?

The Gucci Girl

Oh Bus Uncle, be prepared to be dethroned.

Looks like we have a contender for the title of the Most Obnoxious Honger.

Now that the novelty of the whole Bus Uncle incident has worn off (I'm so glad I didn't buy any mugs with the catchphrases printed on them), Hong Kong is abuzz with yet another story of an obnoxious local mofo challenging social order and civility. Meet la putain du moment: The Gucci Girl.

This story first emerged on local internet forums, and has since set the joints en fuego.

Here's the link for the article published in the Apple Daily. (Chinese only) or the quick read on Reuters.

So basically, here's what happened.

The incident happened on 7 July on a Cathay Pacific flight from Hong Kong to Tokyo. Prior to takeoff, the flight crew was doing their take-off check and noticed a girl sitting in Economy Class, described to be in her mid 20s-30s, clenching to her Gucci purse, a Jolicoeur bag valued at about HK$5,000. The flight attendant informed her that all on board baggage should be stowed in the seat front or in the overhead compartment before take-off. However, the girl vehemently refused to comply with the safety standards. Her reasoning? The floor was too filthy of a spot to place her precious Gucci bag. The flight attendant then offered to place the bag in the overhead compartment, an offer to which this rabid bitch refused, stating it was too high up and out of reach. The captain then made an announcement stating that the flight will be delayed until this lunatic complied. Still holding a relentless campaign to have the damn bag in her lap, she became increasingly agitated and so the airline eventually called in security and the cops and forcibly removed the cunt from the flight, which in the end was delayed for a full hour.

If you can't visualise this ridiculous farce in your head, Apple Daily has kindly provided us with a visual aid, the best their graphics department can muster.

I'm sorry....

As the locals would say what. der. fuck. is. wong. wif. dis. beech?!

Hi, open questions to the crazy lady... Do you feel like a downright twat for behaving as you did? Do you have no sense of shame? OK, fine, erratic and disruptive behaviour aside... Have you ever flown on a fucking plane? Standard procedures lady! Like hell, too bad you're overcome with your own vapidity otherwise you'd find the time to grow some brains, and get over yourself. I'd expect this kind of behaviour from B-list HK starlets in Business or First Class, but you're in Economy. Get a grip. If you want to be swarmed by flight attendants blowing smoke up your ass and buffing your nails whilst feeding you caviar, extracted from a freshly gutted beluga, then you should have bought yourself a ticket sitting amongst the elite in the front of the plane. Let the peasants sit in peace in their cramped quarters.

Before I go on...

Did you know that it's AUGUST. Fuck me up the toot with a lit cigar, I guess time flies when I sit around on my ass all day, priorities out the window. I mean why should I get out there and find a job when there are toilets to be cleaned, tiled floors to be broomed, and leftovers in the fridge waiting to be raided! Sorry to be bitching about my duty as the live-in domestic. Again.

I have to say, though, going to Singapore last week was fantastic. I ate so much, and when I went to the doctor's office today I weighed myself and was surprised that I didn't gain a single pound. Praise the Schweddy Balls (FYI: classic SNL reference) weather, as the taxing tropical climate of Singapore made every gram of fat I ingested from all those dishes made from cocount milk seep right through my pores and evaporated under the unforgiving sun. However, as Ignatius said half-jokingly, we might be scrawny but Asians will probably die from heart diseases because we eat anything under the sun.

I'll start my updates from the trip tomorrow, but first, let me get a few things off my mind.