Things To Do. A project in progress.

Currently on the cusp of recovery from a nasty bout of stomach flu or whatever the virus du jour is... First a dry cough... then got extra phlegmy...then got sick to the stomach... then vomited throughout the night accompanied by a mild fever. I remained stuck in bed for a few days. Despite being short of convulsing or anything ridiculously Theatre major, I did have an hour of trembling in bed thinking it was my final hour. I blame my innate pessimism, but also all the blood rushing to my head from the fever and the hallucinogenic compounds from my cough syrup. I felt my limbs were going numb and I started to think of things I wish I could have done/had/eaten before I became another figure under "Bird Flu Deaths - 2006." Gosh, there's so much to be accomplished so I've decided to start a list, and then add some more stuff as the days go by.

1. Be someone relevant for my irrelevance.
2. Get a pack of Swedish meatballs from Ikea.
3. Sleep my way across Europe, and I don't mean at hostels.
4. Learn Arabic.
5. Adopt an international accent a la Christiane Amanpour.
6. Adopt a faux-aristo accent a la Adrienne Clarkson.
7. Meet Kylie Minogue, and then babble like an ass.
8. Embark on a culinary tour of South East Asia.
9. Have Miuccia Prada have me on her speed dial.
10. Have Miuccia Prada provide my wardrobe from now to eternity.
11. Learn Icelandic.
12. Buy a cabin in Norway.
13. Fill me up on some Cheezies.
14. Find a damn profession, and kick ass in it.
15. Design my house, inspired by Zen Japanese meets industrial German. Front lawn adorned with a few stones and a giant leaf.
16. Read the Bible, and understanding it.
17. Drive. Properly.
18. Grab Karl Lagerfeld's fan and smack him in the balls.
19. Learn to play a digeridoo with an Aborigine.
20. Get a tattoo on my ass.
21. Exchange sweet nothings with Stephen Colbert. (Oh Daddy!)
22. Learn to play the violin.
23. Fly first class to Paris, whilst deriding fellow passanger Brigitte Bardot for being such an unendurable racist bitch.
24. Befriend Joan Collins. (You can keep Jackie, Brad.)
25. Do a photoshoot for Vogue. Seeing lines of cocaine. Crossdressed male hustlers with emaciated frames in Chanel and Louboutin dangling over the railing of Ritz. Hookers in Dior Homme, muzzled by a ball gag along the Seine. Rag doll model in Dior gown dangling over a Metro station tunnel.