Trapped in a Hamster Cage - A Series of Bitching
Part 1: Bathroom Bitterness
I never realised what a domineering clean freak I was until I got here. If there's anything I learned while living on my own was that there are certain household responsibilites that must be upkept. Now, when I have to live with two other men, it has become a remake of A War of the Worlds. But I guess that is to be expected when 98% of men out there still believe housework was appointed to wives, girlfriends, and domestics by God. And because of the majority of men have this mentality, households without maternal presence therefore go to shits, and hygiene slips into a gravely state. First, I think I was taught when I was 2 that when your house is equipped with a fully functioning bathroom (yes, a luxury in some countries), a roll of toilet paper goes into the toilet paper holder. It's logic as simple as hammering that blue Fisher Price triangle peg into the triangular opening. When toilet paper runs out, one replaces the roll and not merely unwrapping a new roll and leaving it on the toilet and wait for the TP Fairy to replace it in its right place. I'm not asking for a cure for polio, I just want the goddamn roll of TP in its effing holder. Second, let's be frank, I'm quite familiar with the male anatomy. Hell, looking below the equator right now, I'm pretty certain I've got one myself. Now, my question is for men out there, "is it that difficult to accurately aim your penis and piss directly into a toilet bowl as apposed to its vicinity?" It makes me wonder how the majority of men go to piss. If they can't even find the decency to fucking grab hold of their one-eyed snake and piss properly, they should either opt for diapers, or sit the fuck down onto the toilet seat and take a piss that way. Because I live for lavatory cleanliness (I don't have much else to live for), I choose to sit when I pee. You can say I'm girly for so doing, but I say "shove it" to those who ridicule cause it sure keeps me from having to scrub urine stains off the bathroom tiles every few days. I mean, think about it, men have to sit down to take a number two so why can't they park their asses down when they tinkle? I mean, what is their rush? And what's this prehistoric mentality that has persisted in men that they feel the urge to piss like they're tending to their rose garden? This also leads me to a related matter. Why do men think they need to leave their mark on toilets? I'm talking about pubes. If anything I really don't enjoy walking into a toilet and finding my toilet bowl embellished with pubes of different lengths. I'm not as bothered finding unsightly hairs on my toilet bowl every morning as I am wondering "who the fuck isn't trimming their pubes?"
I never realised what a domineering clean freak I was until I got here. If there's anything I learned while living on my own was that there are certain household responsibilites that must be upkept. Now, when I have to live with two other men, it has become a remake of A War of the Worlds. But I guess that is to be expected when 98% of men out there still believe housework was appointed to wives, girlfriends, and domestics by God. And because of the majority of men have this mentality, households without maternal presence therefore go to shits, and hygiene slips into a gravely state. First, I think I was taught when I was 2 that when your house is equipped with a fully functioning bathroom (yes, a luxury in some countries), a roll of toilet paper goes into the toilet paper holder. It's logic as simple as hammering that blue Fisher Price triangle peg into the triangular opening. When toilet paper runs out, one replaces the roll and not merely unwrapping a new roll and leaving it on the toilet and wait for the TP Fairy to replace it in its right place. I'm not asking for a cure for polio, I just want the goddamn roll of TP in its effing holder. Second, let's be frank, I'm quite familiar with the male anatomy. Hell, looking below the equator right now, I'm pretty certain I've got one myself. Now, my question is for men out there, "is it that difficult to accurately aim your penis and piss directly into a toilet bowl as apposed to its vicinity?" It makes me wonder how the majority of men go to piss. If they can't even find the decency to fucking grab hold of their one-eyed snake and piss properly, they should either opt for diapers, or sit the fuck down onto the toilet seat and take a piss that way. Because I live for lavatory cleanliness (I don't have much else to live for), I choose to sit when I pee. You can say I'm girly for so doing, but I say "shove it" to those who ridicule cause it sure keeps me from having to scrub urine stains off the bathroom tiles every few days. I mean, think about it, men have to sit down to take a number two so why can't they park their asses down when they tinkle? I mean, what is their rush? And what's this prehistoric mentality that has persisted in men that they feel the urge to piss like they're tending to their rose garden? This also leads me to a related matter. Why do men think they need to leave their mark on toilets? I'm talking about pubes. If anything I really don't enjoy walking into a toilet and finding my toilet bowl embellished with pubes of different lengths. I'm not as bothered finding unsightly hairs on my toilet bowl every morning as I am wondering "who the fuck isn't trimming their pubes?"
posted by the Beeb at 08:58
2 Comments:
oh, i love you!
if you waren't gay and in HK, i'd ask you to marry me :)
Oh PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me put this in my book, you will get a % of the profits :D
And yes ITA with everything you just said, when I lived with the boy who shall not be named he would leave like half a square of fucking toilet paper just so he wouldn't have to change it.
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