11 September 2006

Jeff Probst, Obtuse Fuckturd

Tell me that the host of the soon-to-be-racially-segregated Survivor wasn't serious when he said this in a Washignton Post interview. Read here.

Asians, he explained, include Chinese and Japanese and Koreans and "they don't necessarily get along," adding, "This is stuff maybe I should know."

09 September 2006

Soundtrack to My Life

Steph sent me a survey that asks what songs would be included if my life were to be transformed into a motion picture. It's really hard to come up with that *one* song for the categories bccause as you get older your taste develops beyond the typical sticky bubblegum Top40 crap.

Edit: Turns out I got a song in the wrong category. And hell, I felt like adding a couple more on the list for fun. And as requested by J, my love, I have posted links!

1.The opening title
Don't Rain on My Parade - Bobby Darin

2. The scene where you’re waking up to your alarm
Woo Hoo - The 5.6.7.8.'s
William Tell Overture (from A Clockwork Orange) - Wendy Carlos (also known as my crack addict theme)
Cvalda - Björk

3. The scene when you’re having a steamy shower
The Hush - Texas

4. The scene when you’re walking down a busy street
Chelsea Morning - Joni Mitchell
Wicked Witch of the West Theme - Wizard of Oz

5. The scene where you’re sitting in a back of a car staring at the street lights
The Circle Game - Joni Mitchell

6. The scene where you stare out of your office window miserable
Roads - Portishead

7. The scene when you feel unsure about your life
Changes - David Bowie

8. The scene when you feel obsessed with someone
Harvester of Hearts - Rufus Wainwright
Heartstopper - Emilíana Torrini

9. The sex scene
Mad About You - Hooverphonic

10. The scene when you’re in your room and feeling awkward to what had happened
Wrong Impression - Natalie Imbruglia

11. The scene when you’re walking down the street by yourself (ode to a solitude standing)
Teardrop - Massive Attack

12. Tragic scene where a life altering event occurs
Wither I Must Wander - Martha Wainwright
Hope There's Someone - Antony and the Johnsons

13. Scene where you feel like you have nothing to live for.
The Ballad of Lucy Jordan - Marianne Faithfull
The Boy Done Wrong Again - Belle & Sebastian

14. The scene when you’re staring out of the window in your room at night
Easy Way To Cry - David Gray
River - Joni Mitchell

16. The scene when you found out that the world is on war (indeed, as always)
Shout - Tears For Fears (Hey, it's a wartime favourite)

17. The scene after you got into a fight with your significant other
Break of Day - Tina Dico

18. Scene where you feel alone and no one understands you
Nobody - Nina Simone

19. The scene when you’re speeding in your favorite car (or it happened to be a car chase)
Decaptacon - Le Tigre

20. The scene where you have to say goodbye to someone you love
If Tomorrow Never Comes - Ronan Keating
Comment te dire adieu - Françoise Hardy

21. Scene where things in your life just fall into place for the first time
Stay Loose - Jimmy Smith
Libera uscita - Ligabue

22. The ending scene/credit title
Prince Charming - Adam and the Ants
Somebody's Watching Me - Rockwell feat. Michael Jackson
Young Hearts Run Free - Candi Staton

Ingmar Bergman

I remember wanting to watch Ingmar Bergman (Wiki entry here) films after I saw this parody on SCTV when I was about 10 or 11. I remember reading about this weird Swedish director who shot weird films at weird angles, but didn't really knew what the themes really meant. Since then, I have come to appreciate his art (obscure, yes) and the cinematography is simply ingenious. Oh and how fabulous is Liv Ullman? *snap*



French and Saunders also did a parody (in English).

Friday Funnies

A few more offerings from Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders.

Jodie and Jordan teach you how to peel a potato.



A great ABBA parody from French & Saunders

05 September 2006

Job Hunt '06 Checklist

1. CV - check, but in process of last minute tweaking.

2. Suit - check, but could have waited to buy a Hugo Boss suit on sale for a $100 less.

3. Shoes - check, but should I be wearing my fancy ankle boots when it's 34 degrees outside?

4. Classified Post - check, but underqualified for most jobs, anyway.

5. Interview - check. One on Wednesday.

From what I've learned via the power of Google, this company is small, but may have its perks and a network of connections. Wish me luck. Oh and I forgot....

6. Irritable Bowel Syndrome - check check...and che-

04 September 2006

Trapped in a Hamster Cage, A Series of Bitching

Part II: Manroma, a beautified name for man stench.

As I recounted from my last installment of Trapped in a Hamster Cage, I tried desperately to upkeep the sanitary condition of the toilet here. I really did. Deodorize, de-urine stain, de-mildew…I did it all. I used so much bleach and Dettol I was cutting my lifespan by god knows how many years just breathing in the nasal cavity piercing fumes from the cleaning products.

Alas, the minute I commended myself on a cleaning job well done and contemplated licking the rim of the toilet bowl to attest to a level of sanitation unparalleled anywhere in the universe, it all goes amuck the moment I step outside the toilet, and an ungrateful jackass steps in.

Now in addition to that I have discovered yet another thing to bitch about… why is it that I have such an aversion to man stench? You might know said stench as that rancid odor that wafted through your junior high gym hallway whenever the boy’s locker room door was violently swung open in a fit of adolescent rage. That foul unmistakable stink of sweaty feet, bad breath, B.O., and underwear that you just knew were soiled with streak marks. Now, add to that odor the acidic sting emanating from the urine soaked toilet, and you’ve got yourself a pretty good image of what I have to cope with day in, day out.

Why is it that so many men stink? Some of them absolutely reek. I sat a few seats away from a man on the MTR the other day, and he smelled like a urinal and BO. It was so nauseating I moved to a vacated seat across the car at the next station. I glanced over to the woman who took my old seat, who was now sitting in an uncomfortable pose, head tilted, putting a hanky up against her nose. Some guys smell like dirty gym socks, and it brings back unfortunate memories of when I held my breath while changing next to the homophobic burly jock (who swore like a sailor off duty) after Phys. Ed. in Grade 9.

Anyway, back here in the hamster cage, I bought a bouquet of lilies and an assortment of other flowers to get rid of the stench. What a success I thought, esthetically pleasing and deodorizes! until the flowers started to wither away a few days later (probably from the dangerously high levels of methane gas from farts). The vile scents of Chinese herbal medicines, old man, debauchery, flatulence, body odor, sweat-drenched clothes have returned, and once again I feel short of breath. Oh wait, someone just opened the toilet door… Right, now I’m just gagging.

Um… maybe tomorrow I’ll try sprucing the place up with a few pots of jasmine?

01 September 2006

Friday Funnies

Yeah.... Jackie!